
Jaimie Pangan: Discipline Over Inspiration.
Composer Jaimie Pangan on discipline, indie storytelling, and creating music that connects emotionally across film and games.

Composer Jaimie Pangan on discipline, indie storytelling, and creating music that connects emotionally across film and games.

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by @Maranda DeBusk
In June 2009, I attended my first Pride March, which happened to be the first event of its kind near my rural hometown. Somewhere between 300 and 500 people gathered. There were speakers and vendors, signs and balloons, celebration and reflection. The meeting place was full of cheerful chatter; the assembled marchers were vibrant, loving, and kind. I remember bubbles.
The positivity and support was so great that from the center of the file, marching down the street, you would hardly know that there were groups of counter-protesters on the sidewalk to our left and right. But they were there – grimacing and gray, holding their own signs, and shouting venomous words at the line of celebration flowing past them. It struck me then, as I relished in what must be the closest a person can come to being hugged by a rainbow, that I was so fortunate to know this joy, this many-colored splendor. There is a delight and a freedom in authenticity and community, and it is magnified over and over again by every person who walks beside you.
Looking out at the contrast of dark blue frowns and khaki scowls on the sidewalk, I saw a very different world. There again were people, collected together, using their voices and their bodies to send a message, but it was not the same. Their sounds didn’t bring people together; they pulled them apart. Their movements didn’t relay fluid freedom but rigid confinement. In place of authenticity, there were shame and fear and a resistance to understanding. I couldn’t help but wonder: how deep is your pain that your strongest conviction calls you to use your voice and your body to bring others down?
In New York City in 1969, homosexuality was a criminal offense as was wearing more than three articles of clothing not associated with your assigned gender. Operating on the fringes, queer spaces were often subject to scrutiny and threat. On June 28th, the Stonewall Inn was the site of an upset in the form of a police raid. This upset was followed by a rising, an Uprising, a series of protests and calls to action, largely led by queer and trans people of color, that would drastically change the face of the modern gay rights movement.
Pride, like any performance, is up for interpretation by creators and audiences alike. Belonging and Joy. Courage, Dignity, and Self-Worth. Liberation and Protest. Each interpretation, each interaction, and each iteration is another voice in the chorus, another set of hands clapping, another person marching to rejoice in our triumphs and overshadow our critics.
In life and in art, I hope that together we can see our needs, overcome our obstacles, and rise to create something that is greater than the sum of its parts. A community, an action, a moment, crafted together, that continues to inspire and embolden those who come in contact with it for years to come. May our effects become the causes of future action that make those of us here today, those from moments past, and those yet to come, Proud.
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